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My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Unlike others I was not smitten with Mohit Suri´s “Aashiqui 2”, mostly because the lead characters were dumbasses. And while the level of dumbassness is not reached, Ek Villain still makes you raise your eyebrows quite a few times. (Unofficial) remake of a Korean movie I Saw the Devil (which Mohit Suri with a “How to Bollywood” handbook in hand switfly denied), that has received much praise from all sides, either did not stay true to the original, or the original itself needed an improvement on logic. Still, there was something about the story, which in spite of all, made it work.

The premise is rather simple: once upon a time a cold-blooded murderer himself, Guru fell in love and married the spunky Aisha and they were happy. But then Aisha is brutally murdered and Guru sets his mind on revenge. But who is the killer? Why did he do it? Was it a contract, a vengeance from the past? Or was Aisha simply on the wrong place in the wrong time that day? There is no mystery at all to the film, which took me by surprise as I had expected lots of twists and turns, while in fact everything is neatly lined up from the very beginning. The responsibility of a task to engage the viewer thus lies with the storytelling, which is done by numerous use of flashbacks. The screentime is quite evenly distributed among “then” and “now”, but it is never difficult to understand in which time period we are at a given moment.

The problematic bits of the film are the ones that make little to no sense. For example why in the world would a girl want to hire a man she knows nothing about (and who makes quite clear he is a ruthless killer) for one of her funny plots (why does she need to hire anyone for that matter since there seems to be no job actually)? Why does the police not arrest a man who they know is a murderer, and instead let him kill innocent women (WTF)? Why is not the police officer who risks the lives of civilians to pursue a stupid personal agenda still employed? What in the world is Aisha´s illness and how the heck does she get completely healthy after the doctors have given up on her?I could go on and on.

The reason why I liked the film in spite of all the stuff mentioned right above, is because it manages to set the mood well. Unlike most of Bollywood horrors, Ek Villain has considerable unsettling quotient, perhaps because the murderer kills with terrifying ease and clarity. The explanation for his behaviour is simple and effective. Riteish Deshmukh shines in this role like never before. His usually twinkling eyes and dorky cuteness made way to a dead gaze and expression which strangely mixes frustration and inner turmoil, even pain at times. The film belongs to him.

Siddhart Malhotra is presented in an image quite different from his previous two films, and much like in Hasee Toh Phasee he shows much promise. Sure, his face is so impossibly beautiful that it never bruises even after serious blows to it, neither it manages to be completely in agreement with his voice and situation, but the potential is slowly conquering the walls of inexperience. His character of Guru is not properly developed – a glimpse into his childhood may have been enough, but more of his criminal past should have been shown, the danger he represents more enhanced. After all, this is advertised as “a love story of a villain”, but Guru remains a conventional hero who had been wronged so let´s forgive him every crime he had commited. 

Shraddha Kapoor, a girl who is also as beautiful as a summer dream, got on my nerves for good 40 minutes. Why does Bollywood believe that a spunky, free thinking girl always needs to do silly things, talk loud and jump like a monkey all around? As the film progresses Aisha becomes bearable (and she is definitely better than what Shraddha did last year in Aashiqui 2). She is the weakest performance in the movie – even surpassed by Kamaal R. Khan in his (thank God) small role. Then again he plays a complete asshole so I guess he just slipped into his own routine.

Just long enough, moving in parts, silly in others, still more thrilling than majority of Bollywood thrillers, Ek Villain may be a less worthy (and less violent, which is actually a plus) copy of a Korean film, but among the 2014 films it stands reasonably strong.

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Often my readers accuse me of not being able to appreciate films which are meant to be „just fun“, films that are purposefully mindless, silly and unrealistic. They say I cannot enjoy anything that is not meaningful. And so I sat down and tried to think of a movie that was all that and I would have liked it. I did not have to think for long. A line up of such films exists and Dulhan Hum Le Jayenge (which at first confused me because the title was just too similar to Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge) is one of them. Coming out of David Dhawan´s workshop, it ranks among his better efforts, before he went into a long and fruitless period before being somehow revived by his (so far) latest outing of Main Tera Hero.

It is a story of Sapna (Karishma Kapoor), white-clad, long-haired, blue-eyed virginal niece of three rather eccentric uncles, who all make her their personal crusade by forcingly trying to shape her according to their own lifestyle. Thus the strong, wrestling sportsman tortures her with rigorous exercise, pious devotee insists on her spiritual development and the forever young disco lover just wants her to be a modern vixen. Naturally the poor girl wants nothing but to be herself, and so one day she secretly joins a group of tourists traveling to Switzerland. Among the travelers is also Raja (Salman Khan), already determined to make Sapna the Queen of his heart. But conquering her is the least of his troubles, since ultimately he will have to impress the uncles. All of them.

Now, you really cannot look for „meaning“ and „depth“ in this one, can you? But you can enjoy it immensely and I did. Perhaps because even the over the top performances seemed earnest, perhaps because it was cute and fluffy and funny without need to use profanities or lewd sex jokes. Maybe it was Johnny Lever dancing. Maybe I was simply in the right mood. Dulhan Hum Le Jayenge serves you comedy laced with youthful enthusiasm of the main leads and great combination of great supporting actors, and there are some hilariously choreographed (but back then highly cool) catchy songs (complete with puzzled foreign onlookers). Not all films that may claim to have the same hold my love, and I suppose many times I just go by instinct (and my, am I picky!). Some films just do not feel nice. This one does.

Unlike the horrendous Biwi No. 1, this film provides greatly for all Salman-Karishma shippers, among whom I count myself. They are one of the grossly underrated jodis. Neither of them is a stupendous actor, but they bring out the crazy best out of each other. They seem very well suited and there is cheekiness to them both which beautifully underlines their chemistry.

As usual my feminist side was not entirely happy with the movie, since there is lots and lots of men deciding for the girl in this film. Even the happy ending is ensured only thanks to Sapna´s grandfather. At few points it actually gets regressive (talking here about two scenes especially: when Sapna is immediately sexually attacked while thumbing a lift, and when Raja hits her when she is dancing with two horny men. Given both things were stupid of her, the whole thing played it on stereotype that INDIAN girls do not behave „like that“). Well, at least nobody makes a big deal out of Sapna´s change of image from baggy clothes and pigtails to sexy mini-skirts and fashionable hairdo.

So there you have it. That „pure fun“ film I like. Go and watch it. It might just be the right thing to brighten your afternoon.

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

I had the best will to love Bobby Jasoos. After all, it was meant to be about one girl´s ambition. A funny, light-hearted venture starring the wonderful Vidya Balan, it was all wrapped in bright colours and promised to supply me with some sweet (and very much needed) entertainment. However even with me feeling very gracious, love never really happened. There is still lots to like about the picture.

Bilkis, called Bobby, is truly set on her dream of becoming a successful private detective, and nothing, not rejection from a detective company, not stern disapproval of her father, can discourage her. And when an opportunity comes her way, she grasps it. With enthusiasm. So much enthusiasm she actually shows why the detective company has rejected her – Bobby has no inkling about what to be a detective is about. She is supposed to find a young girl for an old man. And she does not even stop to ask him why. Naturally this comes to bite her later, which, however, I had anticipated from the very beginning. Bobby does learn her lesson, but since we are supposed to really root for her and unlike the rest of the world appreciate her intelligence and talent, the damage is done and there are dents in the character which actually made me agree with those who keep telling her she needs to learn first before plunging into something. It was really this shortcoming of the main character, combined with a very simplistic “investigation” without twists, that lessened the enjoyment for me,

Other than that Bobby Jasoos is a pleasant enough experience. It has vibrance of colours but does not go overboard with it, and the setting and the characters exclude charming warmth which at no point runs out. It is not funny enough to be a full blown comedy, but remain light-hearted from start to end. The film only has one purpose – to please. And it does just that. All the actors do a commendable job, and Vidya Balan in naturally their Queen. She, for much part, carries the story on her shoulders and proves yet again she is simply mega-talented. Not to mention super gorgeous. All her "covers" are done to perfection and if I did not know, I wouldn´t have recognized her in most of them (I decided to to question how is Bobby doing all that make up and so, because such a question is pointless in this movie). After disappointing borefest of Ghanchakkar and half-baked Shaadi Ke Side Effects, Bobby Jasoos gives Vidya her rightful screen space. I suppose that after Ishqiya and Kahaani the expectations of her movies have rocketed sky high and it is difficult to match them. In comparison this film pales nearly to insignificance, still it is a huge improvement from the last two Vidya´s outings.

Ali Faizal was a pleasant revelation for me. Handsome and with a spark, he matches Vidya and completes her performance with his comic timing. I certainly would not mind seeing lot more of him in years to come. The bit of the necessary Bollywood glitz is added to the product thanks to several songs, which are aptly used and display cute chemistry the two leads share.

Bobby Jasoos is worth a watch, and if you are in the right mood, you are bound to enjoy it with all its shortcomings. Try, if possible, to forget all you´ve seen from Vidya before, and few things can stop you from having a good time.

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

The story may not be great and performances of varied quality, but there is something lyrical about Imtiaz Ali films, which makes them an enjoyable watch, even if only once. Love Aaj Kal is the least emotional of his movies, least complicated, not reaching the amazing entertainment offered by Jab We Met or even emotional wreckage of Rockstar. But it has its share of charming moments and overal is a pretty, pretty picture, using flashbacks very well, without confusing the viewer, and heightening curiosity as the story goes on.

We are given a glimpse of „modern“ and „cool“ relationship between architect Jai and art student Meera, who have great time hanging out together, all on the backdrop of London. Jai, who is really the one carrying the narrative and the story unfolds from his point of view, considers romantic love an old-fashion concept, and when Meera is offered work in India, he very sportingly supports her to leave him, breaking up with her on friendliest terms possible. How very modern and cool indeed. However as the time passes by, he notices his sloppy attempts to move on are all destined to fail. And being constantly nagged by an elderly restaurant owner, who paints in front of Jai his own story of love he had once lived, Mr. Architect is quite shocked when he realizes Love has probably happened to him. Unfortunately it seems Meera actually did move on...

Deepika Padukone does not have much to contribute to the movie, aside from her utterly gorgeous face and drool-worthy wardrobe. After getting used to her very much exciting self from the last two years, I was actually surprised to revisit the somehow awkward, extremely camera-conscious Deepika with pitiful dialogue delivery (which has so evolved since then!). She doesn´t ruin the scenes she´s in, but the director very wisely let Saif Ali Khan do most of the acting instead, giving him most of the dialogues, and so our dear nawab goes on like a chatterbox, rarely stopping an endless flow of words whenever he is nervous or emotional. Sometimes his monologues actually get so long you wonder if Meera´s turn to talk would ever come (and sometimes it really does not).

The most charming bits of the movie, however, are introduced to the viewer by Rishi Kapoor and his narration of the old-school love story several decades ago, in India. The warm, brown colouring of all the scenes in the „past“ gives them a unique mood, very different from the rest of the film. In fact, it felt so nice, I caught myself wishing it would have been the main bit of the film, or a film of its own! Even more so since I felt it was left rather unsolved, even though Neetu Singh´s brief appearance in the very end of the movie gave away the final result.

Love Aaj Kal concludes a very simple fact: Love is Love, no matter if one searches for it or not, no matter where, no matter how it happens, and no matter how modern and cool you consider yourself. You can never bee too cool for Love. It´s just about how thick you are in the head to realize it happened. Very good production values, very likeable actors and very charming story telling make Love Aaj Kal a nice film, if you are in the right mood.

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

I guess every director has a bad movie or two (or all, righ, Mr. Bazmi?) and Raj Kapoor is no different. Or perhaps Satyam Shivam Sundaram is not „bad“ per se, but the story is just so prepostrous and Shashi Kapoor such an asshole in it, that I cannot help but hate it. And mind you, I am among Raj Kapoor´s most ardent fans. And Shashi Kapoor´s. Which makes it even harder to forgive.

The story is that of a young girl Roopa, whose mother had died while giving birth to her, and who, because of an accident from childhood, has the right part of her face and neck covered in ugly scars. Considered „cursed“ by one and all in her village, Roopa still remains a good soul with great trust in God. Her love for the Creator is only matched by her love for a handsome young engineer (Shashi), who arrives to the village to supervise building and reparations of a nearby dam. He falls in love with her too. Or rather – her voice. Because that is the problem you see: he has never seen her face, which she carefully hides whenever they meet. And she is all too careful never to show herself to him, since he cannot tolerate any ugliness. He doesn´t dislike it, neither he is „not comfortable“ with it – he cannot tolerate it, not even his own reflection in a joking mirror at a fair (seriously, dude?) When a bit later in the film Roopa asks him if he would love her still should she not be beautiful, he completely avoids answering by stating some shit about „not possible you have to be sundar cause you sing so well.“

Ultimately he marries Roopa, and only after marriages sees her face. He is horrified and convinced she is not his beloved. And so poor Roopa chooses to serve his selfishness and in disguise keeps meeting him outside their home, instilling the twisted belief there are two women instead of one even further. (yeah, that would totally work in her favour. Geez girl, have some self-respect!) The whole thing with a covered face may have worked a lot better if it actually remained covered throughout. However the character of Shashi sees almost all of Roopa´s face, more than once, and so his argument about „I´ve never seen it“ makes no sense at all. Further more he never questions the girl as to why won´t she show herself to him. And finally, in the end he recognizes her by her voice. And me, already fed up with all the nonsense and Shashi´s asshole ways, couldn´t understand for the life of me why she just didn´t sing to him an hour ago, which would have saved her loads of humiliation and me thousands of brain cells.

It is, indeed, the story which makes the whole film an unpleasant experience. One cannot protest about the production values, because they are (for the time the film was made in) excellent. From colour play of the early morning in the temple to a bit psychadelic fantasy song, the camera presents everything beautifully. The music is actually a highlight, and till now I have goosebumps listening to Lata Mangeshkar´s voice in the title song. 

Performances are fairly good (aside from Zeenat´s emotional scenes which reveal her limitations as an actress), unfortunatelly 90% of the characters are unlikeable. I have never imagined it was possible for me to dislike Shashi Kapoor in any avatar, but his own brother made it possible. To see little Padmini Kolhapure in Roopa´s chidhood avatar was a sweet surprise for me and she did very well, especially considering how awful most of Hindi cinema child artists are.

Semi-nudity in Raj Kapoor films somehow never bothered me (be it Simi Garewal´s butt in Mera Naam Joker, Mandakini´s breasts in Ram Teri Ganga Maili or Roopa´s overal semi-nudeness in this), even though I realize what effect it must have had on certain parts of the audience. I suppose that what makes the marginal difference lies in how the people on screen react to Roopa. She chooses to wear the clothes she wants, and others around her are unconcerned. They would have treated her the same (awfully or well) had she been fully covered from head to toe. Roopa is also obviously at peace with her body, so why should I be concerned? It is not like she is selling herself at the market. She bathes. She changes clothes. She walks the fields under a blazing sun. Now, if people off-screen see her only as a titillating sexual objects because of the clothes (or rather lack of it), it is above all because they have a filthy mind.

Satyam Shivam Sundaram is definitely, so far, the weakest Raj Kapoor film I have seen.

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Veergati is one of those film made by and for men who consider themselves awesomely macho. Or who think being awesomely macho is the coolest thing ever. The 90s have given us some real gems of Indian cinema, but there is also a dark side to them, and from its darkest depths of all stuff regressive comes this story of an orphan played by Salman Khan, weirdly dead-eyed and foreshadowing his non-acting today, even though back then, in other films, he has always beamed with energy.

It is all very bizarre and WTF from the very start. Upon bringing home a helpless baby he had found abandoned in the streets, a soft-hearted police officer needs to deal with a hysterical wife, who leaves him because one day the baby will surely make her yet unborn daugther a prostitute (if this sentence doesn´t make any sense to you, do not ever try watching the film). The policeman lets the pregnant wife leave him forever to raise up the baby. The kid grows up into a very disagreeable hero, who is supposed to be good in heart, but to be honest he acts like an idiot. To people he supposedly loves he is consistently hurtful, never failing to cry over the fact he has been thrown into the gutter as a baby, completely omitting how lucky he was to be found and brought up with much care and love. He also gets insulted because of his origin, and all in all the filmmaker expects you to embrace the character and pity him. Well, then maybe they should have tried a bit harder in actually making him less of an agressive maniac.

Also, for a person constantly cribbing about how he doesn´t believe in relationships and gambles away, he becomes hell of a preacher (and „slapper“ of young girls) on moral codes when other people are not respectable towards their elders. Nothing about Salman´s character makes sense. The acting is awful from his part, and while the rest of the cast do whatever they can (the extremely lovely Divya Dutta sucks in this though), nobody saves the day.

The awful moaning of women being raped creates an eternal soundtrack to the villain´s den or even his mere presence on screen, showing his power of the underworld in the only form Bollywood knows – by inflicting injustice to women. One even more fondly remembers Mogambo who had it all sorted and though he was a highly caricatur-esque character in a comedy film, he still commanded more respect and caused you worries than any filthy pimp whom just one cleanly shaved guy can destroy by shaking his muscles.

Perhaps you are confused why I have skipped describing the story, but there is not much to describe. Veergati is a diary of voes of a self-pitying agressor, who happens to be surrounded by people who never get angry with his annoying whining and abusive behaviour, and people who are just insane (yeah, still talking about the policeman´s wife). There is also a subplot revolving around the character of a friend, who is trying to raise money to get married to a wealthy girl he loves, but who cares really. In the end Ajay looses most of the people who are family to him (read: people who endless put up with his asshole ways), dresses into white sheets and goes on a vengeful killing spree mouthing some deep spiritual stuff in between increasing the death rate of the film.

Neither well shot, scripted or acted, Veergati is more 80s than 90s, with all the darkness of bad cinema you can imagine under that tag, and a woman only having worth if she is a Maa.

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Ghar aaja pardesi! That is pretty much what every scene, every dialogue and every frame of Swades screams, pleads and sings. Ghar Aaja and bring your potential with you, stop wasting it on other countries. But to be fair, even though Swades is about India, the message it sends is for all foreigners living beyond their borders, and what could have easily become the stereotypical „bad West, holy India“ film remains a very honest effort to share an idea. If one relates to it or not is personal business. Mohan relates.

Played by Shahrukh Khan at his handsomest best, NASA engineer Mohan, settled comfortably in a luxurious flat in the US, can boast of illustrious career and success, and all he lacks is a bit of love. And for that special kind of love he needs to go back to India, where his old nanny lives in an idylic village of Charanpur. The plan is to relocate her loving arms and care to America, however the longer Mohan stays among villagers and is confronted with their everyday troubles, which previously he was aware of, but never truly gave a thought to, the more he feels a need to do something to bring on the change for the better.

What struck me about Swades the most was that, even though idealistic, it had a very human touch thanks to all the characters, among which we do find certain figures that often fall prey to stereotypes, yet even though they have their peculiarities, they are never turned into caricatures here. Mohan himself too has a very normal vibe, and his interaction with the villagers and their customs give one a good idea about his character. He obviously feels awkward at times, thinks certain issues ridiculous, but he also never shows slightest disdain or disrespect. Finally the villagers and Nasa engineer find a midle-ground comfortable for them all. Finally, while the film criticizes poor living conditions of certain classes of people, there is no sadistic poverty porn included. It is not needed for making a point. At least me and Mohan got it without it.

In many ways I felt Swades was Shahrukh Khan´s Lagaan, just without nasty Englishmen and criket. More realistic, but the problem is the same. It is too damn long. While Lagaan insisted on having a whole criket match (that really does very little or nothing to people like me, who are not familiar with the sport and do not care for it), Swades takes about hour and a half for things to actually také shape and start moving along a bit. On the first watch I found the film quite boring, it was only later, when I rewatched it, knowing I shouldn´t expect any great action, that I could appreciate it more and actually notice charming details and nuances that, ultimately, do somehow make up for the lack of happenings. The other minor crib would be that the lead pair doesn´t share any chemistry whatsoever.

All the actors do a very good job, the star of them all being of course the already mentioned SRK. Devoid of any mannerism he is known for, he delivers one of his finest performances ever. His Mohan is charming and adorable (watch out for his „bathing“ scene), and his depression in the serious parts of the film is as real as the laughs he eludes from the viewer in others. I truly wish this Shahrukh would return to us, and serve us another well-fleshed out character he could bring to life, rather than seeing him playing himself, which he had contentedly done so for several years now. Swades is, among other things, also a collection of seemingly ordinary, touching moments. Unlike other movies of the same kind it is not obsessed with parampara, but sees traditions as a fertile soil from which progress should sprout, if treated right. Oh and a special shoutout to Geeta for being a great feminist character!