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My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Bade Bade Deshon Mein Aise Bure Bure Filme Kyun Hote Rehte Hai? So very high on style and so so so so poor on everything else, including the most important bit: the entertainment. Dilwale is really no worse than many 90s films that I actually enjoyed. In fact most of it seems like written right on the sets without preparation or thinking about posterity – a common practice back in the day. The problem is that both cinema and me have moved forward since then and making a movie like this simply doesn´t seem like a good idea anymore. I have been patiently waiting for a great Shahrukh Khan film since 2007. His latest collaboration with the cars fetishizing Rohit Shetty prolongs this wait yet again. I liked Singham and enjoyed Chennai Express, however the more success Shetty gets the lazier he becomes when putting everything together.

The story stretches your brain into the dimension of complete confusion, the level of suspension of disbelief raises too damn high. Let´s just say I absolutely don´t buy that when two mafia gangs loose their bosses they simply disintegrate and move into the same town where they live for fifteen years without ever running into each other, especially since they maintain quite public profile as enterpreneurs.

Rarely do I find the whole cast of individuals, that I actually like in other things, so annoying at once. From Hyperun Dhawan with some pee and shadily lewd jokes he spurs in first ten minutes, to Boman Irani who is presented as a complete idiot without being funny at all (what propelled Shetty´s Singham forward was a sense of threat, there is nothing of it here), and of course Kajol being cute and bubbly at first, everyone grated on my nerves with their „acting“. Furthermore random comedy scenes with Johnny Lever used to be a filler, while in Dilwale it takes at least 70% of the whole length of the film. As for Shahrukh Khan, once upon a time my favourite Bollywood actor (he had vacated the number one spot to Dilip Kumar by now), he looks sexy as hell with the beard, but damn all those filters erasing every single line away from his face deserve a vanity van of their own. I liked Shah in this better than in Happy New Year, in which he was just awful, still a very lazy performance that challenged him in absolutely no way.

Kajol has probably never looked more beautiful, never has been so well styled before. But that is as much as Dilwale offers to her and her fans, for the role has no meat and her character is same old same old. No matter that she wields a gun (and when she is in BIG trouble she goes: „Kaaaaaaaliiiiiiiii!“) and is not 20. Her role is of that kind of spoilt college queens who learn their lesson when the guy they had previously treated badly doesn´t repay them with evil, and so they fall in loooove with him. Then there is a misunderstanding. That gets cleared up later by someone completely unrelated. And all is theek again. If you like the SRK/Kajol pairing, you can enjoy some of the scenes probably better than me. But you have to admit the whole romantic angle sucked, consisting of long stares that got awkward sooner or later only.

In the end Dilwale just seems like the team got together to have a good time and to excuse this big party they improvised some scenes without thinking, then sloppily pasted those together. Not even action scenes look good, though usually are Shetty´s strong suit, because of over-editing and annoying flashes and sound effects. Shahrukh Khan let me down. Varun Dhawan cooled my enthusiasm for himself. Kriti Sanon had better role in Heropanti. Kajol proves yet again she doesn´t really care for the quality of the script as long as big name is attached to a project. Rohit Shetty aspires to be the next Prabhudeva of the film direction. And he stole a scene from Love Actually that is so iconic even I know it though I´ve never seen that film.

So very average it deserves the bad rating, because films with so much money in them, starring such big names, and earning that much paise, should simply be better.

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

While I do not hold Farah Khan in high esteem as a director, she did something remarkable and created a film which has been terribly important in my personal Bollywood journey, and so enjoyable that it easily ranks in my top ten Indian films. Om Shanti Om is like a gigantic puzzle box. There is truly everything you may ask for in a film – puppy love, eternal love, slapstick humour, subtle humour, tragedy, action, memorable dialogues, great soundtrack.... and when it all comes together it just clicks and works wonders. Nothing speaks more in favour of the film that even though it is stuffed to the broom with film-references and making good-natured fun of the style of Indian filmmaking, it has become my number one choice of recommendation whenever Bollywood beginners ask me to show them a film. They know nothing about Bollywood, yet all of them like Om Shanti Om with all the quirks and in spite of not understanding any of the underlying jokes (and having no idea who that bunch of people randomly appearing in Deewangi Deewangi are).

Shahrukh Khan is allowed to over-play his already dramatic antics and as a result we get two delightfully different, yet both completely over the top heroes: Om Kapoor the goofy, star-struck movie fan, who lives only for his dream of becoming a star and gaining love of the gorgeous Shantipriya, the dream girl of the silver screen; and Om Kapoor the spoilt brat and arrogant actor who takes everything for granted. They only really become one and the same person as they near their destiny – the goofy bubble-gum 70s Om finds his doom in flames, that also shockingly take away Shantipriya, the irritable 00s Om upon realizing that he has unfinished business from his previous life. His over-dramatic acting is spot on and exactly what the film needs. And Dard-E-Disco is the greatest item song Bollywood has produced and you cannot tell me otherwise, capturing both the fun and ridiculousness item songs stand for.

As you can already tell, I adore this film. I dare to go as far as to compare Om Shanti Om with another Bollywood extravaganza – Amar Akbar Anthony – even though the latter is without doubt on a whole another level of iconic. The right mix of stuff that ranks from touching to pretty much crazy, with logic loopholes that one couldn´t care for any less, since it is simply all just too much fun. It is a well known fact that Om Shanti Om is an unofficial remake of Karz, which in turn was a remake of Madhumati, all films dealing with the themes of revenge “from beyond the grave”, with reincarnation being the turning point. It is also remarkable that unlike another set of remakes (based on the trope of separated twin siblings), all these films are memorable and great. Farah Khan simply took the story and filled every scene with potshots on almost every aspect of Hindi films. However these are all taken with much love and never even border on insulting. Om Shanti Om is both a parody of Bollywood and at the same time appreciates most of what makes it distinct and special.

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Ghar aaja pardesi! That is pretty much what every scene, every dialogue and every frame of Swades screams, pleads and sings. Ghar Aaja and bring your potential with you, stop wasting it on other countries. But to be fair, even though Swades is about India, the message it sends is for all foreigners living beyond their borders, and what could have easily become the stereotypical „bad West, holy India“ film remains a very honest effort to share an idea. If one relates to it or not is personal business. Mohan relates.

Played by Shahrukh Khan at his handsomest best, NASA engineer Mohan, settled comfortably in a luxurious flat in the US, can boast of illustrious career and success, and all he lacks is a bit of love. And for that special kind of love he needs to go back to India, where his old nanny lives in an idylic village of Charanpur. The plan is to relocate her loving arms and care to America, however the longer Mohan stays among villagers and is confronted with their everyday troubles, which previously he was aware of, but never truly gave a thought to, the more he feels a need to do something to bring on the change for the better.

What struck me about Swades the most was that, even though idealistic, it had a very human touch thanks to all the characters, among which we do find certain figures that often fall prey to stereotypes, yet even though they have their peculiarities, they are never turned into caricatures here. Mohan himself too has a very normal vibe, and his interaction with the villagers and their customs give one a good idea about his character. He obviously feels awkward at times, thinks certain issues ridiculous, but he also never shows slightest disdain or disrespect. Finally the villagers and Nasa engineer find a midle-ground comfortable for them all. Finally, while the film criticizes poor living conditions of certain classes of people, there is no sadistic poverty porn included. It is not needed for making a point. At least me and Mohan got it without it.

In many ways I felt Swades was Shahrukh Khan´s Lagaan, just without nasty Englishmen and criket. More realistic, but the problem is the same. It is too damn long. While Lagaan insisted on having a whole criket match (that really does very little or nothing to people like me, who are not familiar with the sport and do not care for it), Swades takes about hour and a half for things to actually také shape and start moving along a bit. On the first watch I found the film quite boring, it was only later, when I rewatched it, knowing I shouldn´t expect any great action, that I could appreciate it more and actually notice charming details and nuances that, ultimately, do somehow make up for the lack of happenings. The other minor crib would be that the lead pair doesn´t share any chemistry whatsoever.

All the actors do a very good job, the star of them all being of course the already mentioned SRK. Devoid of any mannerism he is known for, he delivers one of his finest performances ever. His Mohan is charming and adorable (watch out for his „bathing“ scene), and his depression in the serious parts of the film is as real as the laughs he eludes from the viewer in others. I truly wish this Shahrukh would return to us, and serve us another well-fleshed out character he could bring to life, rather than seeing him playing himself, which he had contentedly done so for several years now. Swades is, among other things, also a collection of seemingly ordinary, touching moments. Unlike other movies of the same kind it is not obsessed with parampara, but sees traditions as a fertile soil from which progress should sprout, if treated right. Oh and a special shoutout to Geeta for being a great feminist character!

I love history which in many cases leads to my hatred for many a historic film. Because way too often it is taken more as an inspiration for a story, using names and background, but it ends up being so manipulated, so violated, that it is beyond my ability to forgive. Asoka, as I understand, is one such film. Yet it remained spared my hatred. Why? Because when I first watched it my knowledge of Indian history was equal to zero. All I saw was a touching story and well made film. It was only later, when my knowledge increased, that I realized how inaccurate from historical point of view it actually was. Because of this I understand why people have been let down by the film, and why they don´t like it. For me though it remains what it originally was – a good movie. In fact, better than (in my opinion) overrated Lagaan, which it released alongside with and was compared to in many aspects. And to give Asoka some credit, it stated at the very beginning it is not an attempt at recreation of history...

What it is a recreation of, though only partly and I don´t think they admitted it, is a Sunil Dutt/Vyjayanthimala film Amrapali. Asoka makers took the best elements of the story and added them to the historic background of Asoka and his character. And thus we meet Asoka, a prince in disguise, roaming in a foreign country, removed by the wish of his mother from the royal court, where his own brothers would like to get rid of him, since he is extremely capable, and they can only match him as far as ambitions go. Taking a common name Pawan, he encounters another exiled royalty – princess Kaurwaki and her little brother Arya, who are on the run from unknown murderers who took lives of their parents. Asoka and Kaurwaki fall in love, but fate is not kind to them. Bound by a promise Asoka cannot reveal his identity and just a few days of separation from the hunted royal siblings end up in disaster.....

The beginning of the film, especially the initial bits of Asoka/Pawan withdrawing into a self-imposed exile, is actually kind of sloppy. There is bit too much of dorkiness in the prince, in other words Shahrukh is that funny, adorable himself I love, but it somehow doesn´t fit the character. From the profession of love for Kaurwaki, however, the film becomes better and better, causing much of a heartbreak and reaching its bitter, but still satisfactory ending. During this time Shahrukh Khan truly ceases to be Shahrukh and bit by bit he is devoured by Asoka – the character, who comes alive through him. The helpless indifference, the pain that cries for revenge or little moments of gentleness, Mr. Khan gave it all his best.

I recall that Asoka was the very first film I have seen of Kareena Kapoor – and I cannot be grateful for it enough. Had my first film of hers been KKKG, I would probably hate her guts for quite some time. But instead she was introduced to me as Kaurwaki, daring, brave and yet not fearless, very feminine and very strong. I loved her. Sure, I had to tolerate her very much non-historic wardrobe and wondered how she managed to paint her eyes so elaborately even while on the run, but in the end Kaurwaki impresses. Strangely enough I rooted both for her AND Devi, a girl Asoka marries, to have a happy ending. I liked them both, as they were both so full of love and so deeply rooted in their principles. Danny Denzongpa completes the main cast, as reliable and admirable as ever.

Cinematography is – simply put – gorgeous. A times as if camera forgot about the characters and story, and lingered for a while on a minor detail, brought it up to its attention and admired its beauty. Musical score is beautiful – with an exception of the „evil theme“ stolen from the Lord of the Dance soundtrack – and Roshni Se has to be one of the most wonderfully picturized love songs ever.

As I have said before, the film lifts the most important moments from Amrapali. It doesn´t necessarily work as a period film, as mentioned before, but it works wonderfully as a love story with a historical background. And when you get used to Shahrukh´s long hair.... it´s even better :)

In spite of the fact there were other movies that earned more, I don´t think it´s wrong to say Jab Tak Hai Jaan was the biggest release of the last year, at least as far as expectations are concerned. Well, not mine really, because I never considered Yash Chopra a great director, I did not like the promos and it is no secret I don´t exactly love Katrina Kaif. That, I guess, allowed me to be more benevolent to the film than I would have been had I expected something amazing. Because the film is far from being so. In fact, it is quite far from being good even. Jab Tak Hai Jaan is simple entertainer that does manage to be bearable for most part, but you have to deliberately forgive it much, maybe even too much. The faint-worthy reviews that flooded the media right before the premier were talking about the most epic of the epic films ever, which to be honest I believe were strongly influenced by the sad demise of the director shortly before and nobody dared to give a bad review. It was only after a while that reviews more accurate and less impressed began to appear. Indeed, there are two ways of seeing Jab Tak Hai Jaan. First – while watching the only thing you see is that this is the last film of am extremely popular director, popular not only as a filmmaker, but as an off-screen persona also. Second – you watch it as a film, detached from the facts of reality, and without sentiments. And that was how I watched it. And that is why I can say Jab Tak Hai Jaan is among those Yash Chopra films that are simply not good.

To be fair it is not the direction that is wrong, not at all. The main culprit is the script full of plot holes and characters that are not appealing. Nonsense piled upon nonsense, until I was just left wondering how much further it can go. The first ten minutes are already full of loopholes. Why didn´t Samar jump for Akira sooner? Why after getting her out of water he obviously took time to dress her into his own coat BEFORE starting resuscitating her? Who is as stupid as to leave their army jacket with everything in the pockets inside (including „Dear Diary“) with a completely unknown person? Well, that is Major Samar Anand for you. A man of extreme sexiness, being all quiet and communicating with intense stares. As Akira finds out from the diary, he used to be 25 (or 28, some contradictory information were given) once upon a time, all hyper and full of zest, slogging happily in London and doing various jobs that didn´t really earn him much. He meets a rich girl Meera, who is unsure of what she wants in life, NEVER feels cold and is also a bit of a racist (back in the day she was a blonde white child begging God not to get her married to any Indian because they are brown), and falls in love with her. 

It takes a while before she decides to return his feelings, because she is engaged to a white guy, but after a heart-to-heart talk with a mother who has left her as a child to be with her lover and did not contact her for years, Meera decides Samar is worth it. They are as happy as one can imagine. They have cute time and sexy time and let´s-run-through-the-whole-London-to-see-him-off-to-work time, until Samar decides not to heed the basic rules of driving which results into him being run over by a car and Meera doing what every sensible girlfriend would: she immediately promises to God that if he lets Samar live, she will never see him again. Because that is how God works for Meera, you see? He lets her pass exams and she gives up chocolate (instead for example promising to use her education to better the lives of others).

And so when Samar comes to his senses, she comes to announce she loves him and she is ditching him. Instead of realizing Meera is dumb, Samar is angry at „sir Jesus“ and to prove Meera wrong he decides to join Indian army and play with his life (although if he really wanted to prove his point he could have just commit suicide) as a leader of a bomb-disposal unit in Kashmir. That is where annoying Discovery channel reporter Akira steps in with her completely inappropriate wardrobe and puke-worthy presentation of today´s generation of girls, and falls in love with Samar within days after learning his sob-story.

Akira wants Samar to go to London for a day, so her bosses can verify her film on him, and after some thinking Samar indeed comes. And is hit by a car, which I can only see as a not too subtle a message of the film that you should look to the right and to the left before you cross the road. When he wakes up in a hospital, it turns out he has lost his memory. Well, not entirely. He only doesn´t remember anything that happened after his first accident – including Meera ditching him the same way she gave up chocolates. The genius doctor decides that the best way to bring on Samar´s memory is to create a false reality for him, where everybody will lie to him and make up fake memories, a reality where Meera is his wife and he owns a big restaurant in London. Because yeah, that is how he is surely going to remember he spent ten years playing with death on the other side of the world. 

As for Meera, she did not marry anyone, did not age a day, and spent those ten years moping around. She agrees to be a part of the plan, but gives up few days later, because being close to Samar gives her pain – because she still hasn´t understand God is not a vengeful monster who works on her command and that he actually has understanding for things like love. Fortunately Samar gets his memory back – in one of the least exciting bomb-disposal scenes ever, and returns to Kashmir. If you think he finally came to his senses and realized Meera is just a dumb bench, you are wrong, and so we get to see him being reunited with her, as she randomly changes her mind in the end.

The saddest part is that the film at no point really gives you a vibe of being an epic love story. That is largely given by Shahrukh sharing no chemistry whatsoever with either of the actresses, and not even the infamous three kisses he shares with Katrina, and around which a lot has been written, save anything. They are not as awkward as some people were describing them, but at the same time they were just so randomly thrown in and thanda and not needed one asks what lead Yash Chopra and SRK both to break an old rule they both had. At the same time I don´t understand the big hoopla about it.

What actually irritated me was when, after watching the movie, I realized that Shahrukh had pretty much nothing to do. Everything shown he has done before – and better. There was not a single scene he could actually sink his teeth into, and indeed he served more like an impuls the two women reacted to more than and actual hero. Both Katrina and Anushka had, ironically, better roles (in terms of making things happen, not in terms of being good characters). Samar Anand thus becomes one of the least inspiring and memorable SRK´s characters. I also found it ridiculous that they tried to pass him off as being 25. Camera filters did erase his wrinkles (to the point he seemed a cartoon at times), but it couldn´t erase the maturity of his face, eyes, or voice. He is good, of course. But at the same time extremely lukewarm compared to his other roles. And I realized, that I don´t want Shahrukh to do films like these. I don´t want him to be a loverboy. Not again, not anymore. Let him do a mature romance. That is something I would love to see.

Katrina Kaif is no longer irritating on screen for me. And she can dance well. However her lack of acting skills is once again for everyone to see. Meera is not a well-written character (she has to be the worst YRF heroine ever), but there was potential in the role for a good performer to turn her into something. Katrina however, makes her only worse. What is it that Samar saw in Meera apart from her being hot? In the best moments she still seems detached from what is going on around her. Her expressions hardly ever changes, apart from her mouth being opened of shut, her dialogue delivery remains cringe-worthy. Meera´s dealing with God were nothing short of disgusting for me. I probably wouldn´t dare to say anything if Meera was a Hindu or Muslim, or belonged to any religion I am not a part of and hence cannot really comment on, but she was a Christian, and there I can firmly say, that she had the most deformed vision of God possible. A God who trades life successes for minor discomforts, a God to whom it is more important that you fulfill a promise that came out of your own mind and not on any demand of His than that His children prosper in love together, that is not a Christian God, that is some strange creature with ways more similar to devil than „sir Jesus“. 

Anushka Sharma, on the other hand, does have it in her to give us a good performance – Akira however is yet another in her growing collection of bubbly characters she has done in films like Patiala House, Ladies vs. Ricky Bahl and Band Baaja Baraat. Hyper, loud, cheerful, ambitious. And terribly annoying. In her case I am not sure if the blame is hers or if it should be put completely on Aditya Chopra and his poor writing skills. Anupam Kher, Rishi Kapoor and Neetu Singh have fleeting cameos, but are a welcomed relief. In fact the moment when Neetu recognizes „her daughter“ who had come to visit her, brought a tear in my eye.

One thing I have to admit: The film doesn´t feel old-fashioned, in spite of some old-fashioned elements, Yash Chopra indeed was young in spirit. That however doesn´t make Jab Tak Hai Jaan any better. It is an average fair, below par next to everything Yash Chopra ever did (and I´ve seen), that even in the music department. Out of the whole soundtrack only Chhala and Jiya Re are worthy of more attention. The title song doesn´t stick in mind, and Saans and Heer are nice, but too whiny to listen to after a while. Ishq Shava I almost forgot about already. The opening titles melody I loved. In fact Shahrukh Khan riding his bike to the music was the best part of the whole movie for me.

Jab Tak Hai Jaan is a movie that doesn´t do justice to absolutely anyone involved, least of all an iconic director, whose films I may not love, but I still respect for his contribution to the cinema.